I began discerning my call to ministry when I was 14. Very early on I was quite aware of Visions and Expectations pertaining to marriage and celibacy. Like any jaded teenager I had envisioned being happily married and starting a family by 25. I had 10 years to make that happen. No big deal, right? If you have not yet picked up on it by now, life did not necessarily turn out that way. Since the start of seminary plenty of my colleagues have had their happily ever afters or are in the early stages. Here are a few things to expect now that you have signed your life over to God, again.

  1. The Middler Year Phenomenon. When I first started seminary most of the Middler class was already engaged and planning summer weddings before internship. I thought it was cute until I realized we were all around the same age. Maybe these are all coincidences? No. That same year most of my junior peers began dating or had already been in committed relationships. When Middler year began who would have guessed it but more people began planning summer weddings. Me on the other hand, well I  adopted a cat.
  2. “So can you like, have sex?” Once you become a seminarian your dating life becomes quite awkward, at least for women. While trying to still fulfill this expectation you or others may have for you to settle down, the reality is our U. S. Culture does not necessarily support that. Most people you will encounter have never met a seminarian and assume you are a nun. We then have to balance what a potentially healthy relationship could look like in a sex driven generation. At times it feels pointless trying to date. Why even waste your time? I cannot answer  those questions for you. Your sexuality belongs to you. My recommendation, get a cat.
  3. Ctrl+Alt+Delete Social Media. Just get rid of everything. Your classmates are in love, your friends from home are having children, and here you are with your cat eating Vegan ice cream out of the carton. Sometimes it’s really tiring asking the same first date questions while others around you are asking to be legally bonded for ever. Here is where I should insert scripture about patience. Well my friends, you cannot spell patience without C- A- T. Stop scrolling through your timelines and get a cat.

In all seriousness, being single in seminary is sometimes awkward and uncomfortable. You are in the process of establishing your pastoral identity with only yourself to worry about. Right now you can dive entirely into a congregation. Having a partner changes the way you take care of yourself and how you balance your free time. It’s wonderful for those able to find love in the midst of all this chaos we call seminary. It does not happen for all us. Use this time to live your best life. Don’t let “situationships” stop you from traveling, growing, learning, or loving yourself. For those of you already committed and in love, don’t let your relationship stop you from doing these things either. You are complete with or without a partner. Your ministry will speak volumes. The pressures of Visions and Expectations is real. I would go as far as to say, if you need a break from candidacy please take it. If your head is not yet in the right space or if you still have some habits you need to kick, take the time to handle it before you place yourself in an unhealthy situation. Sometimes it feels like we are suppose to just have it together by the end of seminary and that is almost never the case.

As you get closer to ordination sometimes you will feel accomplished and other times you will feel like your life is over. Very much like our theology, it is both. You did it. You made it through CPE, Internship, 3 years of classes, and candidacy. You are also closing a chapter in your life. After all this time you matured. You may have put on a few pounds. Weekends look less like crawling home from the bar at 2am and more like crawling to bed after finishing your Sunday sermon. The most important component is being content with the person you have grown to be (and content with the cat you adopted in this midst of that growth). May the odds forever be in your favor.

Nicolette M. Faison I, MBA
Vicaria, Iglesia San Lucas
@afrolutheran
Currently blogging Internship year (3rd year)

 

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